Day 13: Too much too little

Everything feels like it's forced into an either/or dichotomy sometimes. Its always like: You either like big dogs or small dogs. You either like your coffee black or with extra cream. You wear silver or you wear gold. You prefer cold weather or you prefer hot weather. And so on and so on.

And I always feel a little pressured to pick and choose. As if picking more than one option is not allowed. I found I was constantly changing answers to questions like “What's your favorite color?” “What's your favorite animal?” or “What's your favorite food?” because the answer I gave last time wasn't final. But truth be told, I couldn't choose one answer. Thats why it wasn't a full story. There was a piece, or even pieces, that were missing. Plot points that were relevant to my story. Because I didn't just like purple, I liked pink too. And I didn't just love crows, I love sharks too. My favorite food wasn't just hamburgers. It was also tacos. 

Questions like these felt limiting. This either/or dichotomy completely leaves out everything in between and beyond. And that's because my identity, my story, involves more than a one-word answer. From those minute questions to my ethnicity, gender, and further on.

When it comes to being Latina, I am not just American, and I am not just Mexican. I am both. If the two nationalities were options on a single answer multiple choice question, I'd know deep down that neither option was a sufficient answer. They were both wrong. I'm Mexican-American! And even then, there are days I feel like this doesn't even tell the whole story of my identity. Chicana could also be the right answer to the question of my identity as someone who is Mexican and lives here in the U.S. There is so much more than meets the eye and so much more than what two words can describe. It doesn't even describe my place in the Latin and Spanish-speaking communities. 

It took me a long time to realize just this. To discover that my identity as a Latina could not be summed up in one hyphenated phrase. For too long, I felt that I HAD to fit the label, and that was as if my story had to fit within restrictions (which weren't even real). Even more so, it took me a long time to realize that no person's story could possibly be summed up in such a way.

And then there are times when it feels as if I'm late to the party. Like there is shame in coming to this realization this far in life, it's a strange feeling. It was as if everyone already knew this, and I was slow to come to terms with it. I have to keep reminding myself that there is no race. There's no rush. This journey of self-discovery can take my whole life, and maybe even then, it still won't be complete. When it comes to one's identity, it may never feel complete. 

For a long time, I thought that at some point in my life, I would know exactly who I am and what words to use to describe my identity. But that's not how this works. To begin with, every Latina's story will be different, including mine. We will all have different pieces to us, and no single-word answer will tell that full story. Our journeys of self-discovery will also look entirely different. There is no one right path for anyone.

Telling my story of being Mexican-American and Chicana isn't as simple as coffee and creamer. It's not an option on a multiple-choice question. Our stories are entire books. No one word will suffice to describe us and our journeys, especially as we keep growing.

About the Author

Sofia, College Sophmore & Somos Escritoras Alumna

My name is Sofia Villagomez. I was born on June 4th, 2005 in Phoenix, Arizona. I'm currently

attending St. Olaf College in Northfield, Minnesota. I was born in the United States, but my

family comes from Mexico.

About the Blog Series

The #LatinaLuminaries Blog Series by Somos Escritoras. The series was created to illuminate the wisdom, experiences, voices, and truths of Latina women and girls and the broader Latinx community. The blog series features writing from escritoras (participants) and writing mentors from Somos Escritoras Latinx Writing Workshop. Published Latina authors, writers, poets, and illustrators who presented at our workshop also contributed to the blog series.